NFL Boyfriend Guide

I stumbled upon an article outlining what your boyfriend’s NFL team says about him and his relationship habits. While I loved the idea, I thought they were a tad off on some of the teams so I figured, as an expert of course, I would offer my own take and advice. So here you have it, by conference and alphabetical order in each division. If you want me to rank them as boyfriends, just let me know  😉

AFC East:

Buffalo Bills: He always pleasantly surprises you when you give him a chance. He’s subtle and flies under the radar a bit but is someone you can count despite what others say.

Miami Dolphins: He is cool, super social and somewhat reliable. He likes to do what he wants and doesn’t like to be told what to do.

New England Patriots: This guy gets whatever he wants and likes it that way. If you play hard to get it may intrigue him, but once he has you he will be onto the next conquest.

New York Jets: This guy is strong and super loyal but also a little needy. He wants your attention and if that isn’t enough he may like the attention of other women in addition.

AFC West:

Denver Broncos: He’s stable, strong and fun to hang out with. He’s established and likely has a good career. He will make a nice, reliable partner.

Kansas City Chiefs: He is handsome and a hard worker but lacks charisma. You most likely won’t fall in love with him at first sight, but you’ll learn to love him and respect him for his character.

Oakland Raiders: You may want to be careful with this guy. He has the kind of dark past that he probably won’t be able to overcome. You could get sucked into taking care of him and don’t expect much in return.

San Diego Chargers: This guy is the total package. He’s smart, kind, good-looking and his dream is to find the one. He just can’t seem to make it happen and is starting to think he may just not be the marrying kind.

AFC North:

Baltimore Ravens: He does things a little differently. Your first date certainly will not be dinner and a movie but you’ll definitely be surprised.

Cincinnati Bengals: He’s cute and young but a little insecure which he hides behind a cocky exterior. If you can break down the facade, you’ll see he’s a good guy.

Cleveland Browns: He’s mature and down to earth but rarely smiles. He’s the brooding type, which can be intriguing but then may wear on you as his darkness rarely gives way to smiles.

Pittsburgh Steelers: This guy comes from the other side of the tracks and often brags about his rough upbringing. But when its your anniversary you’ll see his softer side come out.

AFC South:

Houston Texans: He’s a little young, he’s a little reckless and while his heart is in the right place he just needs to let his frontal cortex fully develop before he’s capable of a committed relationship.

Indianapolis Colts: He’s a solid, stand up guy and while he’s mature and fully capable of being a wonderful boyfriend, he still has his sights on a trophy wife.

Jacksonville Jaguars: Bless his heart, he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but he’s loyal and so selfless. He will “fix” your sink but you’ll probably have to hire a plumber after.

Tennessee Titans: He’s sweet and hard not to like although you’re a little unsure why. There’s nothing remarkable about him but he may be the guy your single (or even married) friends may be envious of.

NFC East:

Dallas Cowboys: He is the strong All-American type, a little cocky but ultimately knows his flaws better than he leads on, so when you point one out he can be defensive.

New York Giants: This guy is successful and has a great career, most likely on Wall Street or a lawyer. You’ll never have to pay for dinner, but his ego could drive you nuts.

Philadelphia Eagles: He has high and almost unrealistic expectations. Don’t be surprised if he seems let down, deep down he really does appreciate you and value your relationship.

Washington Redskins: He’s a tad “un-PC” and may likely offend your boss or parents with his loose tongue.

NFC West:

Arizona Cardinals: This guy dresses like he’s 23 but he’s actually closer to 40. He can’t seem to let go of his youth and past but when he puts his mind to something, like work, he’s impressive.

St. Louis Rams: He most likely has some identity issues. One day he’s the commitment, nice-guy type and the next he’s the player on his way to Vegas. Be careful as he tries to figure out who he really is.

San Francisco 49ers: This guy comes from an incredibly successful family but for some reason he can’t seem to find his way and hold down a job or a relationship, for that matter. He wants to commit but this guy will disappear just when you start to feel settled.

Seattle Seahawks: This guy looks absolutely shiny and sparkly to you, but he was probably the class nerd or one that flew under the radar. He’s a late bloomer but if you’re lucky enough to catch his attention, he will treat you like a queen and have you feeling like the lucky one.

NFC North:

Chicago Bears: He is the ultimate frat party on two feet. He probably parties and doesn’t even try to act like he wants to commit. His tinder profile says “DTF.”

Detroit Lions: You’ll fall hard for this guy, he’ll make you feel like you’re the one, but he will always break your heart. Always.

Green Bay Packers: He’s down to earth and doesn’t require much of anything. He will be by your side without a shadow of a doubt and will make you feel like a princess.

Minnesota Vikings: This guy can eat and drink anyone under the table but he always keeps his cool. He may appear intimidating but he’s just a giant teddy bear.

NFC South:

Atlanta Falcons: He was most likely president of his fraternity but may have been demoted or even suspended for some kind of shady behavior. He has a good heart but he’s still figuring himself out so don’t count on him to be your rock.

Carolina Panthers: He’s not the loudest guy at the party but you’ll enjoy one on one time with him. Quiet nights in are more his thing and he’s young but eager to settle down.

New Orleans Saints: He has been through a lot in his life and he has a sensitive side to him. He’s the one you root for and he will support you just the same.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: He probably came off the bench and threw the game-winning touchdown for the state championship in high school and has been living on that moment since. He’s a little stunted and just can’t seem to remember your anniversary, birthday or sometimes your name.


PS it’s all in good fun  😛

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