Happy Valentine’s day friends! For those of you who have followed along for some time now, you know I rarely open up about my personal life. I like to keep things fun, safe, light, happy and sporty on TSB. Plus, does anyone really care who I’m dating?!
Te Quiero Mucho
Well since it’s V day and I’m a big sap on the inside I figured I’d change things up and open up a bit. You see, I’ve made just about every mistake you can make when it comes to dating. I’ve obsessed, lost myself, ignored red flags, tried to be someone I’m not, chased, lied and sadly, the list goes on.
After each heartbreak I would sit and wallow (while simultaneously annoying the heck out of my friends) and think why does this keep happening to me? It took one particularly toxic and horrible relationship to teach me that it wasn’t these boys that were the problem, it was me.
If I kept giving these boys my life, my identity and my worth, how was I expected to ever have a real and healthy relationship? This last boy did horrific things, like horrible. But when it all finally came crashing down in the end I realized what I should have all along, I didn’t hate him, I hated me. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking I was unrecognizable to myself.
I’m a strong, smart and bright gal. I love to laugh and have a good time. My friends know I’m a firecracker but a fiercely loyal one that would never want to intentionally hurt anyone so why did I lose these qualities that people liked about me when I would get in these toxic relationships? It was a sort of desperation that I didn’t know I had. And I’m not even the girl who dreams about her wedding so what was it that I was desperate to fill?
Car Crash Love
I think it was different with all of them. Each guy filled some insecurity that I didn’t even know that I had it until I was with them…sounds healthy right? Not at all. Yet I always stayed, way longer than I should have.
Well that’s where this last year and a bad car accident come into play. If you listen to my podcast you know where I’m going with this 🙂
It was October and I was about 4 months out of my most toxic relationship ever. And I had finally learned the lesson he was sent teach me, stop apologizing for who I am and just be me. Love myself, flaws and all despite what anyone else says. I finally gave up the pursuit for perfection. So naturally, I was less stressed, more free and overall I was pretty dang happy living my life with my main man Stan (my Frenchie).
On this particular day I was headed to a photo shoot so I was feeling good and all dressed up but my photographer friend was lagging so I kept kind of circling the block waiting for her. On my final circle, a woman nailed my car…twice. I remember sitting there knowing my car was a goner, thinking how happy I was that Stan wasn’t there, and then I just started crying. I was scared but I’ve been in several accidents, so I know I was more upset that I now had to deal with getting a new car and insurance and the police, etc. etc.
After the police finally cleaned up and cleared the scene, the tow truck towed my beat up little car to the dealership. The team was super nice but at this point we didn’t know if it would be a total so I just went home, got in bed and turned on Netflix.
About a week later I got an update that my car was most likely going to be a total loss so my advisor told me I should at least start shopping just in case. If you guys don’t know, they only give you like 3 days of a rental car after they call your car a total so it’s a fast process, otherwise you’re stuck with the rental bill. Yuck.
So I went back to the dealership. I loved my car and figured it kept me safe, why not get another one. I walked in and asked for someone to take me on some test drives. I found the one I would want and at least knew that would be off my plate if they did in fact total mine. I left the dealership and went to run errands when I needed to make a u-turn in the Jeep I had as a rental and the turning radius was atrocious. I knew I needed to go back to the dealership and drive the car again because a turning radius is a big thing for me. At that moment, my insurance adjuster called with the news. My car would be picked up that day and I needed to go get my personal belongings and sign it over ASAP.
I called the collision center and told them I was on my way. As I walked in I saw a super attractive man sitting in the office with my normal point of contact. He stood up, introduced himself as the sales manager and said they’d love to get me in another one of their cars. I told him which one I wanted but that I needed to drive it again.
He pulled around a different, far cooler, color combination than the one I drove and we went for a ride. I’m a rather chatty person and this guy is in sales but I just felt some kind of spark. After about 3 days I went to pick up my new car. See I’m clueless when it comes to car buying, so apparently he’s not the actual sales guy so I was disappointed when I went to pick up the car and didn’t see him.
My sales guy goes over the car with me and I’m getting ready to pull off the lot when I see another salesman running up to my window. I’m thinking….oh S%!# what did I do wrong? Did I hit something? Is this the wrong car? LOL. So I roll down my window and he goes: “Hi Ma’am, here at _________ we have a deal where when you buy a car you have to go out with the sales manager.” I was giddy like a schoolgirl and probably a nice shade of red. I gave the guy my phone number..despite them having every piece of my personal information and waited for a call.
Car Crash Love
I did not get a text for 3 days. I was growing a little annoyed and confused, like after all that you’re not going to follow-up? SO anyways, 3 days later he texted me and asked me out.
Our first date was fun. But normal. For the first time in a very long time, I was completely myself. I answered him honestly and did not feel the need to fake or embellish any aspect of myself or my life. I left the date thinking, I’m not sure we will date but he’d be cool to hang out with as friends especially since I was new in town.
Normally I go from 0-100 and get tunnel vision but with him we just kinda kept talking, I let him ask me out again and we just kept making plans. It wasn’t until our third date, when I was still trying to figure out what this was that he kissed me. I ask him all the time what the beginning was like for him and we both agree that that kiss changed everything.
Fast forward a few months and I am sicker than a dog with pneumonia and the flu. This guy not only took care of me but kept me smiling in some of the worst pain I’ve been in in a while. It was the kind of support and care that I had only dreamed of. I had no idea what I was looking for until I found him and while he’s the most amazing guy, what I learned is that it wasn’t even about him, it was about me.
I found someone who let’s me be me and is proud of me, flaws and all. In fact, we can now laugh at my flaws rather than me feeling like I need to hide them.
Our relationship is still new and I don’t take a single day for granted but I will forever be grateful for this special guy showing me that I’m great all on my own; it’s just all the more sweet that he’s by my side. I love you bud, thanks for letting me be totally goofy, drag you to taco bell, and for tolerating my singing and dancing in public.
And to anyone who is reading this, I hope you take away that we have to trust the timing of our lives. Elizabeth running late that day ended up sending me on the best adventure of my life. And don’t ever settle for anyone that doesn’t love every part of you. We all have flaws. I hated mine so bad that I spent most of my 20s trying to “fix” them. I wish I would have known that if I just accepted my imperfections it would have been far less painful and way easier.
They always say love yourself first, it took me a really long time to truly understand what that means. But if you can do that, I promise you’ll see some pretty special things happen in every area of your life.
All cheesiness aside, I hope you either enjoyed our cute little “how we met” story or maybe this will spark something in you to be more forgiving of yourself. Happy Valentines day! xx